we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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