You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
