I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
