I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
