Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
