btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were trust falling into bushes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
