She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
