It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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