Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Randomize
