i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
