I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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