i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Randomize
