This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
