On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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