did you get engaged???
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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