I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
