He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
