dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
