So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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