We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
