You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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