I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
