You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
