i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
