ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I want to make a zoo with you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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