i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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