hotel room ftw
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
