I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
