And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
