remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
