i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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