You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Even my vagina gasped.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
