They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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