Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
