I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
