I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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