You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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