he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need water and some morals
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
