After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
