Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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