I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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