but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
