FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
