I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I just sharted jello shots
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