you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
