I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
