I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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