you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
