oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
