He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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