Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
