just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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