Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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