The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
